Waiting for marriage to engage in sexual intimacies is a challenge for my wife and I. This is because both of us were in our mid 20's (me 26, she 25) before we began courtship.
Prior to that, we did not have any sexual encounters nor any serious friends of the opposite sex.
As Christians, we believe that it was God's arrangement that only married couples should engage in sexual activities.
On top of that, living in our part of the world serves to give us added "protection". This is because that time (about 20 years ago), Internet was not common and traditionally, our lands held on to beliefs that sex belonged only to married persons. In fact, it was easy to find virgin friends than non-virgin ones.
With these two factors, we managed to remain chaste until our wedding day.
Our wedding was simple.
Getting ready to be wed for myself was easy. Just bathe and then dressed up like my usual "business attire" and I'm good to go.
But for my wife-to-be, a Christian friend who is a makeover artist, spent what seem to me like hours (though not that long) to make her up. Thereafter, she was dressed in the silky gown we bought just for that special day.
After that, together with two friends who will serve as witnesses, we went to the Registry of Marriage and officially register our marriage. We were lucky to be the second in queue and hence the entire registration process ended around 9:30am.
Thereafter, we met friends and relatives for a simple lunch reception with a wedding talk given us.
We recorded the talk, but too bad, the tape technology cannot last with time and it was lost through mold infection.
Nevertheless, I remembered the basic principles: Role of man as the head of a family, to lead in love after the model of Christ and an example to both the wife and children to come. Role of woman as Support to the family, may have to sacrifice personal likings to accommodate the husband's decisions. And of course, in the event of dispute, allow the Bible to be the final Authority and thus resolve problems in a Christ-like manner.
Thereafter, with blessings from friends and relatives, we waved good-bye and drove off to our "honeymoon suite" at around 2:30pm, arriving around 3pm.
We were very excited to find ourselves alone and we both knew what was about to happen.
But to be honest, that being our first time, was a complete disaster. It was nothing like what many Internet "first-time" I read recently.
I knew we were having sex, but the expectation was completely different from what I imagined. As a result, for many years, I thought I did not really penetrated her. It was until few months ago that we discussed our first night again that my wife assured me I did penetrated. She convinced me by mentioning the blood patch on the bed that embarrassed both of us in the morning after.
(But to save my male ego, she told me that was a wonderful first-time... )
Well, the first time was short. Very short to few minutes.
So we tried again 30 minutes later.
It felt "much better" for me. I assume it was good-enough for her also, as we both briefly doze off after that....
We woke around 5pm.
We showered and then went out to the pool side and enjoy the evening view, and then a sumptuous dinner by the sea.
We were still shy from our "firsts" and talk about anything but sex.
Night fell. Around 8:00pm, we returned to the bedroom.
We unwrapped the gifts from the morning and started packing them.
We then discussed our plans for the next few days, where we'll "honeymooned" in my part of the world 1000km away from hers.
Then, we both "lost" the memory of what happened after unwrapping the gifts.
I vaguely remembered we had intercourse one more time before "really" going to bed.
So I assume it was the best of our first three episodes, because we were so satisfied, so contented that we slept straight through till morn.
Well, before our eyes were fully opened, we did our forth.
We knew we did not have much time, so we showered, then went for our breakfast. (We got complimentary breakfast, to be consumed before 10:30am.)
I could not remember what the breakfast was like. But I'm sure I was a completely contented man that morning. Again, we were shy to talk about sex on breakfast table. Compared to today, we definitely need to work on communication skills in that arena. But that was the past and I was not complaining.
Well, to make many "jealous", after breakfast, we return to our "honeymoon suite" and prepared to check out. Since I do not have much clothing (hey... a pun here....) packing was fast as it involves only the attires of my wife. And of course, before the check-out, we "check-in" again, consummating for the fifth time within 24 hours.
Looking back, after 15 years into our marriage, we both giggled at our "first time" or "times".
Although not the best ever (in fact the worst ever), we had no regrets to remain chaste until married.
It was wonderful to know there was no another to compare standard except by ours. (In movie "Liar Liar" -- "I had better....") This foster our relationship very much.
In addition, progressing together in our little "sexuality venture" is a wonderful experience. Though it took us 5 years to became "amateurs", another 5 years to became "professional" in (reverse) Missionary, and another 3+ years to venture into rear entry, oral and such, there is simply no regrets. In fact, learning together and able to be on par in sexuality further foster our marriage bonds.
So our encouragement to younger Christians desiring to remain virgins until marriage is: persist on. Failure in first-time sex attempts is one of many failures worth having. And there is added wonders to explore sex together as married couples through the years.
As a proof of our "success", we now parented 5 kids, all raised beautifully under the Lord's care.
May you likewise receive happiness by following what our Lord admonishes. Amen.